“Show what’s in your heart, love me like I love you, it’s all we’ve got to live, time to set your heart free, chase the pain away, move on and don’t give up…”
Well, after a three-hour (ish) flight on a crap Irish airline last night, I’m back home after a brilliant two weeks in Malta. Fourteen days of fun in the sun, only to come back to the cold and wet British weather. Hoodie (as shown above) currently on and the winter woolies are ready for the coming weeks.
Oh, the joy.
Anyway, here’s a list of stuff I observed in Malta. Enjoy.
001. Maltese roads are still as bumpy as hell. Maltese drivers aren’t much better. Most of them still don’t know how the indicator works.
002. Bendy ‘Boris’ buses are about as much use as a Jewish person in a meat factory, especially on aforementioned bumpy roads when, if you’re on the back of one of them like I was to Mdina, you go flying off your seat. At least you knew where you were with the little yellow ones they used to have. Arriva buses in Malta just don’t work.
003. Short people who look like Danny DeVito are highly entertaining, even when you’re stone-cold-sober.
004. Maltese beer tastes like shite. I was on the German and Danish beers for most of the fortnight, but mainly Diet Coke/Sprite/7UP. Oh, and the occasional vodka.
005. Lewis Hamilton is still a cocky and whiny arse (I managed to watch the Singapore Grand Prix in a bar in Qawra whilst having a pizza and a pint of Carlsberg).
006. The Mediterranean sea is warmer than hotel swimming pools.
007. Oliver Reed died in Valletta whilst filming Gladiator. I already knew he died there, but not whilst filming. I didn’t know Gladiator was partly filmed in Malta until this holiday.
008. Maltese streets are tiny, especially in Mdina and Valletta.
009. I still don’t know the dance routine to This Is The Night (this year’s Eurovision entry from Malta). The ABBA woman (I never got her real name), who was one of the entertainers at our hotel, played it as part of her ‘break music’ and I tried to do it with my hands. I still can’t do it.
010. They really love Portuguese songs, Italian football, smelly seaweed and the letter X in Malta. (PS: Wales called. They want their X’s back.)
011. Maltese is NOT an easy language to speak or even learn. I mainly spoke bits of Spanish, French, German and Dutch the whole fortnight and tried picking up some Maltese along the way before failing dismally.
012. When cannons go off, they go off with a bang!
I’ve already uploaded some of my photos, plus ones my friend took, to my Flickr (see the sidebar) but I may upload more here if/when necessary, if only to show you some of the bits of tat I bought during my holiday (mainly keyrings).
PS: My friend nicknamed them ‘Boris buses’ after we found out Malta got a job lot of bendy buses sent over to them when Boris Johnson got rid of them in London, so it stuck. That is all.