With the Winter Olympics starting this afternoon, I thought it would be a good time to do another Top 5, this time another sports-themed one. My top 5 Winter Olympic sports. Who’d have thought people chucking themselves down big hills on tea-trays and skis could be so entertaining?
001. Cross-country skiing: I hated cross-country running at school. HATED IT. But, if it had been snowy and hilly and someone put a pair of skis on my feet, given me a pair of ski poles and then told me to go round the course, I probably wouldn’t have minded it as much. Except when they get you to go up a hill that’s usually meant for downhill skiers, of course. Rather them than me!
002. Ice hockey: Another sport I hated at school was hockey but, again, swap an astroturf with an ice rink and a ball for a puck and we’re onto a winner. Hockey skates are hard to skate in though. This I know from experience after trying ice skating whilst at school at Bradford’s indoor ice rink. I spent more time on my arse than I did on my feet. And, yes, it hurt!
003. Biathlon: Ah yes, a bit of skiing and a bit of shooting. Sometimes they’re on their feet, sometimes they lay down, but it’s still entertaining. And I get to see a few nice bottoms under those tight suits they wear. (Perve? Me? Never…)
004. Bobsleigh: A big thing that people launch themselves down a big hilly course-thing in. Looking forward to seeing how the Jamaican team get on too.
005. Ski jumping: I’m a bit young to remember the times of the legend that is Eddie the Eagle but I still know that our great nation haven’t had any ski jumpers since his jump in Calgary. This explains my love and appreciation of some of the other ski jumping greats, such as Switzerland’s Simon Ammann and Japan’s Noriaki Kasai, both of whom are also legends of the sport. It’s also the reason it’s my favourite winter sport. That and the Germans have a jumper named Wank. Yes, you read that correctly…
My other favourites include skeleton and luge, both of which have people launching themselves down a bobsleigh hill on something that looks like a tea-tray, alpine skiing and slalom. Oh, and curling, which is essentially just a brick and a brush. It’s also a bit like bowling, but on an ice rink and, instead of throwing a ball down an alley, you push a stone along the ice. Oh, and check out the Norwegian curling team’s trousers. They’re a bit, erm, wacky.
And that’s it! Is it half three yet?
PS: The new Super League season starts tonight as well. Come on you Warriors! (What? My Rhinos lads don’t play for another few days or so and, as I’ve said before, the Warriors are my second favourite Super League team. So there.)