“What if you have a house for twenty-four years and it can just toddle off and do what it likes? FIFA, UEFA, whoever you are, YOU’RE WRONG!” – Ian Holloway.
As I’ve said before, we all love sports. Some of us like some sports, some like others, and we even go to watch our favourite teams and other sport events live in person or on the TV/whatever, yet there are still some things that generally get on our nerves. It could be any number of things but I’m about to list the top five sports-related things that I deem to be a pain in the arse and generally grind my gears.
Enjoy… or maybe not.
001. People who tell others who they can and can’t support: I’ve had this by WAY too many people, WAY too many times, and it bugs me. Where in the rule book does it say I HAVE to support British sports stars or I HAVE to support England because I’m English? I watch sports where no British athlete takes part, such as ski jumping, so I support people from other countries in those sports instead and it’s the same when no British team are in major finals of sports events. When England and the rest of the ‘home nations’ failed to make it to the Euro 2008 finals, I supported Spain instead. I still do, to some extent. And I won’t be supporting England in the World Cup either. My international team are the Republic of Ireland. I still support England in the rugby (union and league) but I don’t support them in the football and the only international football match I’ve ever been to was in Malta. They were playing Denmark at the time and they got walloped 3-0 but I still enjoyed it. And, before you ask, yes, I supported Malta. It’s the same with other sports. I don’t support any of Britain’s male tennis players, simply because I don’t like any of them, and most of my favourite Formula 1 drivers aren’t British, mainly for the same reason. I like Jenson Button but that’s about it. Don’t tell me I can’t support anyone that isn’t British/English or my hometown team, or support two football teams, because I’ll just ignore you next time.
002. Flags on cars: Every time England get to a World Cup or Euro final, there are always the same idiots who put flags on their cars. WHY? What’s the point of them? Every time I see them, I always want to rip them off and ram them so far up the offending person’s backside that they can’t sit down for a couple of weeks. They annoy the hell out of me and always have done. You’re driving a car, not heading into battle. Please take them off before you have someone’s eye out. Thank you.
003. The ‘Wigan/Arsenal Walk’: In case you don’t know what this is referring to, it’s people who leave a game when their team are losing quite badly before has even finished. Wigan Warriors fans have been known to do this before now, hence the nickname, and many Arsenal fans once left before the end of the first half against, I think, Sunderland, because they were about 3-0 down at half time. I seem to remember they did eventually win the match 4-3. You’ve paid over £80 for a ticket. Don’t leave the match early. Stay until the end and, even if you lose, take it like an adult and drown your sorrows after the match has finished. Don’t leave before it’s ended otherwise, next time, you could find yourself getting “WE CAN SEE YOU SNEAKING OUT” chanted in your general direction.
004. Inappropriate chants: I think you’ll all agree with me when I say I HATE fans who chant abuse at each other. I like some chants, such as the one about Joel Monaghan having sex with a dog, the “sing when you’re fishing” one sang in the direction of the Hull FC fans or the obligatory “the referee’s a wanker” (complete with salute), but there are some that I really can’t stand, such as the Munich/Hillsborough chants or the ones about the Valley Parade fire or the Ibrox/Heysel disasters. They’re the ones I really don’t like and it’s about time they were stopped. Anyone heard chanting them in stadiums should be dragged out by their ears and told never to return until they learn to say (or, in this case, chant) something nice about their opponents. I also don’t like anyone who so much as opens their mouth during a minute’s silence. It’s not big and it’s certainly not clever. It’s pathetic. Please stop it. (Re: not being able to stay silent, Chelsea fans in particular, I’m looking at you…)
005. Burning/defacing sports shirts: So, a player you once adored has just been bought by another team for a record amount of money. What do you do? Oh, that’s right, just set fire to the shirt you bought with his name and number on the back. That’s another £60 down the toilet. I still have old shirts with players who are no longer at my teams on the back of them but I just wait until the name and number comes off. I’m not one of those morons who decides it’s a good idea to burn an expensive shirt just because a player I once loved at my team has left, whether on good terms or not. Players come and go. Big deal. Build a bridge and get over it.
Other sports-related things that wind me up, which I won’t elaborate on, are tall people or those with banners blocking my view whilst I’m at the match (I’m only a shortarse), British people using the word ‘soccer’ (it’s FOOTBALL), in-fighting between fans and people thinking they’re at a party and turn up in fancy dress costumes, complete with wigs of their team’s colours. Oh, and Adrian Chiles. How is he still on air? He looks like Shrek and he’s an annoying little cretin. That is all.